Don't hurry, don't worry, and don't forget to smell the flowers."
When I was growing up, my mom placed this phrase on the wall by the back door, so I was reminded of it as I left the house every single morning. I suspect she had a greater purpose for placing it there other than just a pretty wall decoration because years later as an adult, I can truly say this phrase has made an impact on me. That's the thing about words. They have great potential to positively influence our lives. Encouraging words make us smile and laugh on those I-should-have-stayed-in-bed days, or motivate us when we're feeling like our obstacles are just about to get the best of us. Words can guide, teach, inspire, and push us to be our best selves and accomplish our wildest dreams.
The Story Behind The I Define Me Project
Although I had the amazing phrase, "Don't hurry, don't worry, and don't forget to smell the flowers," as a jolt of positivity to start my day, it grew significantly difficult to remain positive as I entered junior high. Words…yes, they can encourage us, but they can also cause so much damage. Even though The I Define Me Project was launched a few years ago during my time in graduate school, little did I know that it actually began much sooner than that.
Most people have very fond memories of junior high and senior high, but I am not one of them. It was one of the most difficult times in my life because I was the target of bullying. I had problems with bullies the entire time during junior high and high school, but the worst of it happened during freshman year. I had a study hall after lunch in which I didn't know anybody, so it made me an easy target. There was a trio of sophomores who sat a few rows over from me. One of the girls would insult me while the other two stayed silent. For sometimes the entire twenty minutes, I would have to pretend I didn't hear her tormenting me with her extremely cruel words. Of course, what I was really doing was pretending to work on my homework with a pencil in my hand trying my damnedest not to cry as she threw insult after insult at me. I did not defend myself because I was afraid. I came to dread going to school. Eventually, I brought my headphones to school specifically for that study hall. I would put my head down, turn the volume up as loud as it would go and listen to music just waiting for that twenty minutes to be over. When she realized I could not hear her anymore because the music in my headphones was drowning her out, she stopped bullying me. It's years later now, and I still remember the girl who bullied me. Her words, her face, her name. But I also think about what her life was like during that time for her to act out in this way. There is absolutely no excuse to bully another person, but hurt people, hurt people. I can only hope that over time she has become a better person.
What I wish I could tell my fifteen-year-old self is that the bully's words to me were a reflection of how she felt about HERSELF, not me. That is what bullies do. They project their low self-esteem issues and troubled souls onto someone else. There are sadly many stories of teenagers who are driven to suicide because of being bullied. It breaks my heart so deeply because I experienced exactly what they felt. The despair, the hopelessness, the agonizing feeling of being unloved and unloveable. What I didn't know in high school being such a young age was that all of those things I thought about myself were such awful lies I was tricked into believing by the bullies. I cry for the young boys and girls who take their lives believing they are unworthy of life. I cry for the adult in them that would never come to the realization that words of others do not define them. The I Define Me Project is not only for fifteen-year-old me, but also for them. Accept no one's definition of your life. You, and ONLY YOU, has the power to define who you are.
The I Define Me Project started as a graduate thesis project that centered around self-esteem, but college days are long over, and it has come to mean profoundly more to me than just earning a grade. We must stop falling into the trap of defining ourselves by how others see us. Our past, our circumstances, the way we look, our dress size, level of education, the color of our skin, clothes we wear, relationship status, what we do for a living. All of these things are a part of us, but they do not define us.
The I Define Me Project is meant to inspire, to teach, and to motivate you to think about the positive things in your life, and the positive qualities that make you, you. It's also to serve as a reminder that you are capable of accomplishing anything if you believe in yourself, if you work for it, and if you're kind to all of those you cross paths with along the way. A quote by the Dalai Lama sums it up best:
"With the realization of one's own potential and self-confidence in one's ability, one can build a better world."
All the best!
- Janelle
